It’s not gibberish, it’s a completely made up foreign language. Really. It just happens to be a very… verbose completely made up foreign language that has absolutely no rhyme or reason to its structure other than randomly hitting keys. Hey, what kind of cheating… er, creative thinking, that is, can you expect from someone with The Plague? (Yes, if I ever actually get The Plague, either pneumonic or bubonic, I will regret being so cavalier and to call an annoying head cold The Plague, but for now I feel completely miserable and justified in calling it The Plague).
“Asparagus,” Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe said disbelievingly.
“Yes, well, we do have a witness, of sorts,” Halafax Creeth, Assassin First Class, Order of the Gold Bow, Senior Marksman of the Uloff Tribe said. “Mind you, he’s completely insane and speaks only in Hewwwflin.”
“Where are we going to find a translator that speaks Hewwwflin at this hour?” grumbled Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe.
“I’m actually fluent in Hewwwflin, sir,” said Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or. “Picked it up when I was stationed on Qweeek’logh.”
“Nasty, long-winded language,” Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe complained. “But I guess if it’s our only option, then it’ll have to do.”
“Bring him in.” Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or said into a microphone.
“This is Huklough Van’fhjjjjjk, Klerm of the Guywrity Blooh, Netrvret Order, Second Class, Criminially Insane,” Halafax Creeth, Assassin First Class, Order of the Gold Bow, Senior Marksman of the Uloff Tribe said.
“Minot bo acinito ocop navi repono ber torolu ecetoyief tabed. Curip gos iefie heri patiet imefiror xi tu,” said Huklough Van’fhjjjjjk, Klerm of the Guywrity Blooh, Netrvret Order, Second Class, Criminially Insane
“At your service, he says,” said Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or.
“This is going to take forever,” Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe said out of the corner of his mouth at Halafax Creeth, Assassin First Class, Order of the Gold Bow, Senior Marksman of the Uloff Tribe. “Whatever he has to tell us had better be worth it.”
Out loud, he said to Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or, “Find out what he knows about Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint’s escape, and make it snappy.”
“Yes, sir,” said Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or. “Vud nenures ta regol ese ure lib ese. Rete sihay niy vapak; dakupar abayec rasa remagag tiepe mu adat wumiet. Imosa na miseti; apiniw aloxeren wahes yebal nocor nihec rewice: Samumas yava ga ritam cebe hucak tar. Fa red xiri go eloses bohuv siepen ledisuy reham! Cef irosenob iranepes qaricu lotul soseho can. Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint na led opas taneho ceh be relo alepicus. Cehacie ce tiedat: Sa arelo oyete culehon mutonin orinemi ipalite? Ce yemiwo vufesoh ral ahipi xeyolel ilaras vo. Egah penomot padar hotere gifi edo. Lefe rarena uhor. Nigona imisiep riyano tisureb, canet ciled kor. Sosos di kusina orise per. Bet tabon tafogec depix ragi egutoda ro; taxie sele ta! Nayaten le rekar. Oneleh rodieri cienirep? Tebav agani hon wu canel rurilu lepel. Pole caxi ipelir osotecot sew vebes falielag omiluti ado! Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint rese dec letu sago ra seli neril sotonir, osirop tuya la lo aboci: Henane bet loluku qatiepis, tes te naca eri adomocom pu nidi utu tev masi; nic ata rines omar sositie ce ma setaga nep ener. Ine numa cororo. Rela sutoso cori tonin sifoc lotun ewenefo ri gec ise. Topequ dixona tat cie ubedaro tenep ru sahusu balaseg retieho. Lin ni acorocuc dudiki uyitidi iyesie ucudagah afec nucat; dini erosom yotani hie meties ietiniesier nefo totinul.”
“Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint?” Huklough Van’fhjjjjjk, Klerm of the Guywrity Blooh, Netrvret Order, Second Class, Criminially Insane asked. “Git lat imuhacol ci ilohiesiec titocos ahur nineq, cec erocoro itig re elecidef palonif cel pa pet hol. Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint mi tecey ateg arahuse lac. God ve liep luropa. Si iwa camesif hi. Ramar tiram ietaru te peyubab apat iloc ro erowupo. Dusatis rilepa kotuh natetec lo odoneqe pupamit sef? Rid rapep idetas otadines teteh situ ekiyose itayer niedoce de. Helie alaca ho. Uno sat ru pevu ti so? Miet ete tole lun repibo ludo! Sol ecunuger fodo owuhebep. Norepe mis pe vor watu risagel yeci nit, lupilat wolacu yete pirasi: Mu genaki ticis, cebi bifanop inel reba. Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint amisiluw cu eretole loli hin tudot bie onorono cadetem oripol. Losih daleri inasafie razid iyuni navavun te neduti witiho; teta ilalomeb cimeda robi. Vetap egecime puleka tap upasomeh lu renani cepeniv. Cela ga segep di erem, ca lie ayafi asarose! Xe ucubiseh eta ratemet noreli cas lo nigal mupemi. Meki fatas obeliya be ibohata. Ipisici inaper ge tiedav ciwe nec me iniy pelire. Osiedus elanicu yekame nesu surito peg dohelo gagot rin gacusat! Hor iranec sidat caro mecatom. Epir emasep ocim exepusi ce, mepih nepetot ratel batihos tuciwet: Raneler lenet gusa radigot otihete titi iepalohe. Wolena loro asamiemel rabusi monene isabo niyo so wom etakoga. Pelal niebiwi ciqupor aser epoki. Tecupec nohored kocidem po rali uvo, lutiev amina re pipi jotama cire supat. Wanoren mer run tesesi alinig. Idilepak inu goya waso fera higabe oripayeb dot, ruf nifidi fe ehec sutire nenemew bu sotese te feresas: Aroce no nahal unafet mararel tinoyot lih yihol. Dir pomipet duc tacogo tat ifaniceg itenenir lasit. Gefaw ipa sesietu ha fod rimetuc ipoc kigob hac mesu; lerem amelitev lienero felasin muluse relitut limiqe nolehut eyeface. Mas liepogep otocehi dihil. Talo buride tol rerir ceheb. Fa inotu no sieve ri afibene ase doneme nuh cucayut. Toreh loyade nacebie nohi, eriminir so pino ropede sav hotu. “
“Oh, well, then,” Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or said. “It’s really quite simple.
“Do you feel like explaining it to us, then?” asked Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe, his face turning a polka dotted red and green, not a good sign.
“Oh course, of course. Apparently, Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint asked the guards for asparagus, said he simply had to have some and would not shut up about it until he got some. I don’t know if you personally know Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint, or have had any contact with him, but he can be… persuasive,” said Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or. Then, seeing that Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe was starting to go over all polka dotted again, he hurried on. “Anyway, there is no asparagus on Quirrrrthy, where the Home For the Criminally Insane Time Traveling Interdimensional Beings is located, so they had to open an inter-dimensional time portal, and, well…”
“Let me guess – they turned their back on him for just a second?” asked Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe. He sounded unnaturally calm, and this alarmed Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or more than the polka dots.
“Yes, something like that,” Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or said. “Apparently they had put him in five-point electromagnetic pulse resistant trans-dimensional restraints, but Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint is quite the escape artist. He hit one of the guards with a lamp, then jumped through the open portal before the other one could grab him. It was a tiny portal, too, it’s rather amazing he managed to squeeze through it.”
“Nenipven Halerth’ji’na Weevrnoop, Rogue Assassin and Second Class Thief, Order of the Putrid Swamp Thing, Blurpee Tribe, Boggsley Precint is famed for his ability to fit through the smallest cracks in the universe,” Halafax Creeth, Assassin First Class, Order of the Gold Bow, Senior Marksman of the Uloff Tribe said. “That’s what makes him so hard to follow.”
“Are you saying you’re not up to the job?” asked Ba’nath Jaquir, His Most Enlightened Lord of the Silver-Sequined Realm, Fifth Junior Earl of the Eight Gordanth Province, Second Advisor to Kre’th Jun’or.
“No, I’m not saying that at all. Just that it will be a challenge,” said Halafax Creeth, Assassin First Class, Order of the Gold Bow, Senior Marksman of the Uloff Tribe.
“A challenge you are more than up for?” asked Malkkwe Huntraeek Hu’gfadst, Commander of the Glycine Phleet, Order of the Tangerine Crumpet, Chief Commanding Officer of the Kleenextic Tribe.
“Yes,” he said.
No comments:
Post a Comment